personal

And then everything went downhill…

Wow, that sounded dramatic. Let’s just say I’m in a dramatic mood. My mood went from “what a beautiful day, everything is alright!” to “//curseword// I hate this world.” I was so happy and then three seconds later I was angry and sad. What happened you ask? My best friend just heard one of her close family members has cancer. Don’t worry, the doctors said he’ll be fine. But that just put the other even harder thing back on my mind. My other best friend.. (let’s call her W) Her mother also has cancer. But it’s not good. We’ve known for a while now and she is going to die. She’s going to get euthanasia to help her go peacefully. And I just heard the date it’s going to happen.

Right now, I am not okay. I’m sitting in this group meeting and we’re working on a project, but all I’m doing is being on the verge of tears and writing this post. I just can’t focus on anything. At all. I know W is okay with it and has made her peace, but I just can’t stop thinking about how hard it must be. W has never had a good relationship with her mother, but since she heard the news they have become so much closer. And now after a year of chemos and doctor visits and hospital stays, that has come to an end. The end is close and it is very close.

Knowing that someone is going to die is one thing, but then comes that moment that it’s getting very real all of a sudden. And then it suddenly hits you. That person will be gone. Forever. I’m getting a little morbid here. Sorry.

Oh man, I was going to write a super happy post today. I was going to write about how proud I was of becoming more confident and speaking up for myself, but I just can’t come up with the energy. But now all I do is repeat the lyrics of Bad News by Bastille in my head. Because that’s what I feel like right now.


I wrote this a few hours ago when I was feeling very bad, but I’ve got some time to let it all sink in and I’m feeling much better now. (plus, Gilmore Girls has kept me distracted from feeling down). I hope you’re having a better day, than I had!

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13 thoughts on “And then everything went downhill…

  1. You were so brave to write this. Your friends and you are going through something so terribly horrible. You are all lucky to have eachother at this time. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I’m not the one having to go through it like you are. Stay strong 💗 when you said “bad news” by Bastille it played in my head, I hope you feel okay 💗

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When my step father died a few years ago I was in shock and I didn’t want to accept that it’s real. The worst of it all was the crushing reality that I would never see him again. It was a very hard time in my life but it also put a lot things in perspective for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My God that’s awful! I can’t even fathom what it must feel to go through something like that. I’m hoping you’re feeling slightly better now.

    Liked by 1 person

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